Shy and awkward

I have a confession to make. I'm ... an extremely ... awkward ... person. YEAH. I AM. I'M SHY TOO. For those who don't think so, well ... I'm just so fucking good at acting. Sorry for fooling you. But my acting skills have a quota and my quota has exceeded immensely ever since I started classes.

I'm not sure if I'm being antisocial, whether I'm not keen on making friends or I'm just plain fucking awkward. I'm placing my bet on the last one. 

Back home, I could be friendly with people because Malaysians just don't expect you to be friendly or happy or loud. It's not in the culture to be as extroverted as Europeans. I've come to realize whart a POND I was living in back in KL. I'M OUT WITH THE BIG FISHES NAO. IN THE OCEAN OF OUT-GOING PEOPLE. And the start of my journey is AWKWARDDD (at least for me).

I know, I shouldn't be complaining. I should try harder. I should just fucking calm down and relax. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I may be thinking too much into this but yeah. I'm just having a hard time thinking of things to talk about with my classmates. Maybe, somewhere deep in my mind, I'm afraid of whart they might think of me, or maybe they just can't relate at all to me so I kind of subconsciously step back.

I dunno but I have to shake this stupidity off FAST. There are 18 people in my class and I'll be with them for a whole year! If I don't do it, I'll be a lone ranger, FOREVAH. NOH. KENOT.

Okay so next week, I'll try my very very very best to ... immerse myself in their culture ...? Booze bring people together right? Haha. This was the challenge I wanted, I WILL FACE IT HEAD ON. Shit just got real bruh.

ME.