Sudden realization ...

So ... after the pass few weeks of Semester 6, I've come to a sudden realization that ... I'm not cut out to be an architect. I know that's whart I was striving to be, and I know, wrong timing to suddenly make such a rash decision. I'm about to graduate with a degree in architecture and I suddenly decide that I'm not good enough for this field. I'm not putting myself down or anything (though it sounds like I am), it's just that, I think I'm better off doing something else, other than designing structures. I'm not very good at architecture (or at least the direction of architecture Taylor's is trying to push us towards), to be perfectly honest. And I've met and know people who have that certain edge and talent for it. It seems as though I wasn't born with that gift nor was I raised to discover such gifts within me. But that's okay, because I actually know whart I can and want to be.

To be honest, the only thing I'm even remotely good at doing is little illustrations (not like Jaslynn) but something a graphics designer would conjure up. But I'm of course not of high level. I just draw and sketch cause I love it.

Here's my little village.

I can't stand the sight of empty space in my sketchbook so I get all henna doodly on it

I kinda like how I'm utilizing my Moleskine. And I kinda hate it that I'm writing far too much inside of it (with my disgusting writing) so I compensate by doodling that weird henna thing that I always do. It turns out pretty coohl.

Anyway, I know people have said that becoming a lecturer is a way of running from actual architecture and it's the direction that people use when they fail at their work, but that's kind of stereotypical and kind of wrong because if you've gone through the mental torture I have just gone through, deciding whether I'm cut out to  tolerate the many years of trying my very best to achieve that Ar. title, and if I'm willing to sit in an office 24/7 and try my very best again to climb that ladder with the very minimal design skills that I have, you'd think otherwise.

So with these internal struggles I've been having, I've finally decided that, of course, I'll be pursuing architecture, not as a future architect, but as a Professor or a Doctor. MWAHAHA! I think I'm more cut out for educating instead of designing, since I'm known to be someone who can speak well in public and manage projects and teams (though I can design things that are of a smaller scale like ... A BED ROOM? Or ... AND INSTALLATION? Something not so important. HAR HAR).

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Enough of that, nao to update on normal things. Today, I have finally realized how much weight there is on my shoulders. Oh GAWD this semester will literally be the death of me (touch wood. I kid. BUT STILL). After so many days of camping out at Jojo's place, doing B. Tech, eat, sleep, B. Tech, eat sleep and repeat, we still end up doing the silliest mistakes in which Ms. Alina finds fun to laugh at (they're pretty stupid and worth laughing at, really).

Here's a photoshop thinggy I did about a frame ceiling design in Texas to cut the tension within this serious post. 

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Edit: 9th Oct 2012.

(May sound a bit hasty)

Having one of those bad days where you wake up from sleep and automatically everything around you ruins your day. I drove back home early from studio because I honestly can't stand being in our so-called "Dedicated Studios". Studio my ass. Nothing about these studios are comfortable. So I'm home nao, prepared to jump into the ocean of work that us students were so generously briefed about (btw, I missed the briefing because my body rebooted last night and I couldn't wake up. WRONG TAIM BODYH. WRONG TAIM).

Apparently we have so much shitload of work that my mind is having some sort of meltdown at this very moment. Even though I missed the brief, I kind of knew whart we had to face this semester but hearing it out loud just makes me feel like I should just quit this stupid course. They expect us to integrate work from so many semesters ago into this one studio project? They expect us to be engineers? Even after they weren't exactly successful at guiding us properly? Really? My guinea pig theory suits this situation so nicely.

Even though I'm currently furious at the world and even though I hate the fact that I will have to sacrifice everything I love to do up until December ... well fuck it. We have to face our stress anyway, no point moping around. 

I can feel the fire in my body. It's that angry person coming out. :[ 

I've turned on my autopilot mode. Leave me alone and get out of my way, because I'm gonna be a rampaging, hormonal robot for the next 3 months.